Free · 10 pages · PDF
Before You Chase
They pull away, and something in you wants to close the gap.
The next move is still yours.
Inside
Five steps across pages 2 to 9. Here is what each one asks.
- 01 · Notice
Before you act
The guide calls the urge to close the gap “the pull”. Begin with what it has you doing, and why it can grow louder. Page 3 is a ten-minute practice for when it peaks.
What am I doing, or about to do? · Why we chase harder when they pull away · This is the pull to…
- 02 · Separate
Fact. Fear. Hope.
When information is missing, fear and hope can fill the gap fast. Separate what happened from what you are afraid it means, and from what you are hoping it means.
Fact: only what a camera could record · Fear: what I am afraid it says about me · Hope: what I am hoping it means
- 03 · Discern
Should I reach out?
The guide will not answer that for you. Set aside what is not in your hands, write what is yours, and see what reaching out would be for: clarity or relief. Neither is wrong.
Not in my hands: why they went quiet, what they feel, what they do next · Mine: what matters to me here, what their distance does not get to decide about me · If I reached out, it would be… · What am I hoping their response will fix?
- 04 · Choose
One move that is mine
The pull can point to something you need. Name it first, then choose one small thing for yourself. It does not have to meet the whole need. It only has to be possible now.
What I need underneath it · Because ____ matters to me, I will… · If I still want to reach out, I will decide at ____, not at the peak of the pull.
- 05 · Return
After the pull
Once the peak has passed, look back at what happened in you, however it went. One line is enough.
Whatever I did about reaching out, who decided: the pull, or me? · What I understand now · What did I learn about what I need? · Next time the pull comes, what will I do first?
About the guide
Before You Chase is a free guide with journal prompts, for when someone pulls away and you feel the urge to text them again. Ten pages, five steps, to fill in on your phone or to print. It does not ask you to work out why they went quiet. It helps you understand that urge, so that whatever you decide comes from you.
Not knowing where you stand keeps them on your mind, and the thinking itself can make the wanting stronger. Their distance can start to feel like a verdict on you, and closing the gap like a chance to overturn it.
None of this is a flaw in you. Page by page, the guide brings your attention back to yourself: what you need underneath the pull, and one move that is yours.
How to use it
Fill it in on your phone, or print it and use a pen. Tap or circle what fits, and write only what feels useful.
If the pull is loud right now, or you have already reached out, begin with page 3. Otherwise, page 2 is the place to start.
On page 8, choose when to return to page 9, “After the pull”. Page 3 is there whenever the pull comes back.
What it is not
It is not a rule against reaching out. It puts time between the feeling and the action, so the choice has room to be yours.
It is not a tactic to make them miss you. If you wait, the waiting is time you give yourself.
It gives no verdict, on them or on you. It is for reflection, not therapy.
It goes with this video
The HIDDEN Reason You Chase Harder When They Pull Away
They pull away and you begin doing more, and you tell yourself you are fighting for the relationship.